The AgeOld Problem of Age
by Supercat
Summary: Aw, don't Robin and Amon make a lovely couple? This may not seem like a humorous story at first, but trust me, it is. I don't want to spoil anything, though, so you'll just have to go head see what it is for yourself. Note: contains some OOC humor.


Well, this is my first Witch Hunter Robin piece, so I hope you enjoy.  
Disclaimer: I don't own any of this stuff! I swear! DON'T KEEEEL MEEEEEEE!

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The Age-Old Problem of Age by Supercat  
  
It was a perfect night, the kind of night where everything possible goes right-- a full moon with bright, glimmering stars, the fresh Spring air, the soft chirp of distant cicadas, and, best of all, the sweet smell of a lovely young woman's perfume. Such a delicious aroma could only come from that one special girl, the woman he reluctantly, hesitantly, fell in love with. Her hair was a sort of dirty blonde, or amber even, as though to showcase it's luxury and beauty, her eyes a magnificent shade of green. Black, like him, was the color she was most often dressed in, yet, despite such limited wardrobe, she never failed to look absolutely stunning. He had black hair coming down to his jaw stubble, and the stern, silent face of a raven. Together, like two statues forever frozen in time, they stood on the balcony motionless, in complete and utter silence, admiring the perfect night.

Inhaling the fresh air, she spoke. "This city seems so peaceful at night... Isn't it beautiful, Amon?"

"Yes," he replied. 

For a moment, neither said a single thing. Again, she took the initiative. "I had a great time, Amon. I wish this night could last forever."

"I'm glad, Robin. I feel the same way."

Again, silence. However, it was nor awkward nor misplaced. The silence was wonderfully orchestrated to create an increasingly romantic atmosphere.

Deliberately, Amon turned towards her. He could not resist himself any longer. Who cared if she was much younger than him? He had to tell her how he felt, how much he burned with desire to show his love.

"Robin," he began, "you look simply gorgeous tonight."

These unexpected words made her blush profusely, and she found that she knew not what to say. Instead, she smiled at him meekly, and stared intensely at her hands. It was then that, with the delicacy of a fluttering feather, Amon grazed his hand lightly against her cheek. She rose her head to look at him, and found that his eyes were fixed keenly on hers. "Amon..." she whispered. Wordlessly, he leaned closer towards her, so close that his lips were almost touching hers. With quivering lips, she again murmured, "Amon..."

"Robin..." he responded, "I... I really, truly, love you." Eyes closed, hands cradling her delicate face, Amon kissed Robin passionately on the lips. Within seconds, she had her hands around his back, and returned his kiss. Still in lip lock, they backed slowly out of the balcony and back into Amon's bedroom. Soon, Amon began slowly undressing Robin, and in response, breathing heavily, she whimpered, "Oh, Amon..." They sunk onto the large bed, arms and legs entangled. Suddenly, she began licking his face vehemently, so much so, and in such an odd fashion, that he felt it reminded him of.....  
  
....a cat.

Thus, it was with a great startle, and in a highly unpleasant fashion, that Amon woke up, covered in cat slobber. The culprit, a sleek black cat appropriately named Ebony, purred gently in his ear, rubbing his face against Amon's prickly stubble.

"Goddamnit," was all he could muster up to say. The handsome young fellow stood upright in bed, and, with a satisfying "whap," slapped his gruff hand across his perpetually furrowed brow. It really was all just a dream. Great. Face twisted into a deeply discontent grimace, Amon removed his hand from his face to examine his bleak surroundings. Just like every morning, he was alone in his boring apartment, alone in his spartan bedroom, alone in his depressingly ironic "King-sized" bed.  
  
He just couldn't take any more of this stupid crap any longer. There's no way he was going to let anything stand in his way, not now, not after all this waiting. Yes, Amon would get what he desired, what he had been slaving to achieve. No doubt about it.

"I'm gonna tap that ass."

With a newfound confidence, Amon rose slightly from his massive bed, picked up the phone on his dresser, and, swiftly and fearlessly, dialed the number of the elusive Robin. Within seconds, the phone was ringing, and, to his relief, a couple more seconds later she picked up.

Her soft, timid voice came yawning through the receiver. "Hello?" 

"Uh, Hey Robin," retorted Amon with his dark, I'm-the-mysterious-cool-guy voice. "This is Amon. Listen, we've been going out for a while now, and..."

"Yes?"

"Well," he paused slightly, thinking of just the right words to make her swoon over his incredible suave. "I long to consummate our love, to show you the extent of my passion for you."

"Oh Amon..." Robin murmured, making Amon's eyes light up. Could this be it? Was she finally ready?! Oh glorious day! OH GLORIOUS DAY! HAPPY DANCE TIME!

"...Not yet, My love. I still need time to mature," she finished, sweetly.

In a flash, returning from it's brief vacation, the storm cloud over Amon's head settled back to it's seemingly permanent residence, causing the distressed individual to slump. Despite being quite discouraged, Amon decided to keep it up. Clearing his throat, he began again. "Well, I see what you mean, but--"

"These things take time, sweetie. I'm still just a stranger to the world," she cut in, again in a tone that was disgustingly sugary.

He went on, determined to get his poon tang. "I know, but Robin--"

"Amon, please don't rush me!"

"ROBIN--"

"I'm just not ready yet!" she continued, innocently.

Finally, Amon abandoned his cool exterior and burst. "FOR PETE'S SAKE ROBIN, YOU'RE 23! WE'VE BEEN GOING OUT FOR 7 FREAKIN' YEARS!"

"..."

"..."

This kind of silence, unfortunately, was not wonderfully orchestrated to create an increasingly romantic atmosphere.

After what felt like a lifetime, Robin finally interrupted the awkward calm. "Some would consider that a very young age," she uttered, completely unfazed.

Just then, unexpectedly, Amon's right eyebrow developed a mysterious twitch. The poor fellow was so damn shocked he just didn't know what to say, and instead held the phone limply in his hand, mouth gaping, eyes staring into nothingness.

Taking advantage of his lack of response, Robin suddenly exclaimed, "Oh, well, what do you know! I gotta go! BYE!" And promptly hung up.

"Wait--!" Amon snapped back to reality just a moment too late. The phone was definitely dead. Slowly, Amon placed the wretched device back on it's handle. Still alone, he wondered aloud, "What the hell just happened?!" Indeed, it was quite a valid question. Why was Robin acting so weird? Why did she hang up? AND WHY WOULDN'T SHE DO THE HANKY-PANKY WITH HIM?

For just a brief second, hesitantly, Amon went over the possibility that perhaps Robin was just messing with him. Then, just as quickly, immediately dismissed the thought. After all, Robin simply wasn't that kind of girl!

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The phone made a slight clicking noise as she placed it crisply back on its base. That morning, Robin's hair was uncharacteristically frazzled and disheveled, and, by the looks of her constant yawning and bleary eyes, she hadn't gotten much sleep. However, the light grin on her face indicated that she did not seem the least bit bothered by this fact. On the contrary, the young woman was clearly in a state of bliss. Unlike Amon's room, hers was a bright beacon of happiness--sunshine pouring in from the open windows, walls painted a cheery light blue, and sheets made with pure white fabric. Speaking of sheets, a curious clump of them was stacked right next to Robin, on the left side of the bed, forming what looked like a little snow-covered hill.

And, like a mole emerging gently from its hole, out of that mound came the unmistakable brown-haired head of a one Sakaki, who, in a seemingly equal state of fatigue, muttered, "Hey, who was that?," nodding slightly to the phone.

To which Robin responded, nonchalantly, "Oh, no one. Go back to bed."

"Uhhh, okay...."

"Or," Robin added, "better yet...." with a slight tilt of the head and right index finger rested against her chin, "GIMME SOME LOVIN, BITCH!"

Needless to say, this wild outburst of savage animal lust caught good old Sakaki by surprise. "Whoa!," he yelped, but before his phrase was even finished, she had thrown herself ferociously at him. "Jeeeeezus, woman," her bedraggled lover clamored, "You're insatiable!"

However, at that point it seemed futile to attempt speech with the beast formerly known as Robin. There was clearly only one thing on her mind now: sex. And, in the most eloquent way possible, she expressed this desire. "LESS TALKY, MORE HANKY-PANKY!"

Strangely enough, Sakaki didn't seem to mind. "OoOkay!"

You can imagine the rest.

END. (Poor Amon)

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Well, that's it. In case anyone was wondering, this is clearly a one-shot. I don't even see how it could really be continued. Also, I'd like to point out that I really don't think that Robin and Sakaki would be a good couple. In fact, I picked him because of the fact that they usually aren't paired together and probably shouldn't be; I was thinking about maybe replacing him with the boss, but then thought that was pretty gross, and I didn't want to make this too over-the-top. Anyway, I thought it was pretty funny. Hope you did too.


End file.
